{"id":2179,"date":"2018-08-16T11:31:41","date_gmt":"2018-08-16T16:31:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/?p=2179"},"modified":"2019-04-30T14:36:48","modified_gmt":"2019-04-30T19:36:48","slug":"defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/","title":{"rendered":"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve been following along with my \u201cDefying Gravity Leadership Series\u201d and practicing the empowerments that I\u2019ve given you, you should be seeing some real changes starting to happen in your life. In the first empowerment, Define Your Views, you learned how to identify the view to move quickly toward a resolution quickly. In the second empowerment, Practice Daily Discomfort<\/strong><\/a>, you learned the necessity of living outside of your comfort zone to experience growth and change. Today, it\u2019s time to talk about the F-word.<\/p>\n

Empowerment 3: Mistake – Learn<\/h4>\n

We have a phobia with the F-word, and it\u2019s not the one that came into your head first, it\u2019s the second one: Failure.<\/p>\n

Ironically enough, anyone you talk to in IT, anyone you talk to in entrepreneurial crowds, and anyone who has launched a company will tell you failure happens all of the time. Do we ever not beta-test something before it comes out in code? We rarely get it perfect at first\u2014things fail.<\/p>\n

As a society we are completely intolerant of failure. In fact, we teach our children in our schools that it\u2019s not only not <\/em>okay to fail, we make them feel really bad when they do. We’ve created a culture of people who can\u2019t move as fast as they should, because the F-word is terrifying to them.<\/p>\n

Public Lynching<\/h4>\n

When failure happens sometimes we have what I like to call \u201cpublic lynching\u201d of people in our agencies. The culprit can be just about anyone we can blame for the latest breakdown. Intentional or not, public lynching ensures that everyone is really good and scared of failure because they don\u2019t want to end up on that screen like that other just person did. Then we all sit there and go shoulda’, coulda’ woulda’ for hours, days, or even months. It\u2019s a huge waste of everyone\u2019s time and energy.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

We even do it to ourselves. Do you still feel bad about someone you broke up with twenty years ago? Yes? You\u2019re not alone. Some of us never give up feeling bad\u2014we have stuff that’s happened in our lives that we screwed up and we never let ourselves off the hook for it.<\/p>\n

The Study Shows\u2026<\/h4>\n

There\u2019s a fascinating study that I like to reference that found:<\/p>\n

The longer you feel bad after making a mistake, the less likely you are to learn and take appropriate actions on the outcome.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"I\u2019m going to say it again in a different way: The longer that you think about feeling bad (sorry, shoulda’ coulda’ woulda\u2019, bad thoughts) after you fail or make a mistake, the less likely you\u2019ll learn from your mistake and take the appropriate actions to fix it or prevent a similar mistake or failure from happening again.<\/p>\n

What this means is, we\u2019ve been taught to make a mistake and feel really bad about it to no end.<\/p>\n

Study after study has shown that in order to have breakthroughs, to have great relationships and so on, humans need to spend less time in the feel-really-bad-phase and quickly move on to the learning stage.<\/p>\n

The Practice<\/h4>\n

The practice that I am giving you to combat this is very simple: Mistake – Learn. In an organizational structure, depending on how dysfunctional your agency is, this looks deceptively simple.<\/p>\n

Let me give you an example in practice. I was working with a company and every time something failed, they would all sit in a room to figure out who screwed up and then the manager would make that person or team feel really bad in front of everyone. Afterward, they’d scramble for ways to fix it, but not until after the whole feel bad part lasted at least one to two hours and sometimes even weeks.<\/p>\n

And, invariably, I would get pulled into it because I was the consultant on the project and they always like to blame the consultant (that’s a rule and we accept it as consultants). At which point I said, \u201cYou know you’ve spent two and a half weeks figuring out who failed and yet you haven\u2019t fixed the failure.\u201d He kind of looked at me and he said, \u201cYeah!\u201d To which I replied, \u201cNext time there’s a breakdown on the project, can you just have the meeting and say \u2018This failed\u2019 and then go straight to the fix, and not waste time worrying about who was responsible?\u201d<\/p>\n

At their next post-breakdown meeting they worked it out in only twenty minutes. Twenty minutes versus two or three hours! If you do the numbers on that, three hours down to twenty minutes\u2014that\u2019s huge! At the end of the meeting everybody walked out in a great space. It went like this, \u201cOh yeah, that screwed up. Here’s what we all have to do. De\u2026de\u2026de… and here’s the check-in.\u201d The emotion was taken right out of it, and suddenly, they went from a dysfunctional organization to a functional organization.<\/p>\n

Five Minute Rule<\/h4>\n

The thing is, and why I said that this practice looks deceptively simple, is the fact that some people really like to make other people feel bad and some of you like to feel bad.<\/p>\n

So, I have a rule: If you have to feel bad, if you have to apologize, if you really did screw up, you get five minutes. Set a timer. You have five minutes to apologize. Say whatever you want but after the buzzer goes off that\u2019s it.\"\"<\/p>\n

Same thing goes with employee evaluations. I just did an evaluation of one of my own employees and she sent me three pages of email of why she was so sorry she couldn\u2019t meet all of her goals. I glanced through the email and I thought, \u201cThat took a lot of time for her to write a three page email.\u201d So, I shot her back an email that said, \u201cI didn\u2019t even read this. It\u2019s mistake-learn.\u201d That’s it. I said, \u201cI don\u2019t need to hear how you feel bad, just send me what you’re going to do to fix it.\u201d She sent me back a message saying, \u201cOh my god! I though you were so upset.\u201d I replied, \u201cI\u2019m not upset. I just want to know how we’re going to move it. And if we can\u2019t move it, then obviously we’ll separate ways at some point, but I believe we can move it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, huge time saver, so deceptively simple and works great.<\/p>\n

Up Next<\/h4>\n

Phew! I\u2019m glad we\u2019re past the F-word and ready to move on to the next empowerment: The Story Versus What Really Happened<\/strong>. If you learn and practice what I am going to teach you, you will be the hero in your organization. Check back to learn how.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve been following along with my \u201cDefying Gravity Leadership […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2185,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nDefying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you\u2019ve been following along with my \u201cDefying Gravity Leadership […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Your Corporate Shrink\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/corporateshrink\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-08-16T16:31:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-04-30T19:36:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/secureservercdn.net\/198.71.233.179\/chp.ab7.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg?time=1637080959\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"334\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Deanna Koelzer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Deanna Koelzer\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/\",\"name\":\"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-08-16T16:31:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-04-30T19:36:48+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/64c753c8c13a55b600fea7585d34ca15\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg\",\"width\":500,\"height\":334},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/\",\"name\":\"Your Corporate Shrink\",\"description\":\"Leaders are made, not born.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/64c753c8c13a55b600fea7585d34ca15\",\"name\":\"Deanna Koelzer\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c9d652bd3c5312583a93f9253f16e4ac?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c9d652bd3c5312583a93f9253f16e4ac?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Deanna Koelzer\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/author\/deanna\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink","og_description":"If you\u2019ve been following along with my \u201cDefying Gravity Leadership […]","og_url":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/","og_site_name":"Your Corporate Shrink","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/corporateshrink\/","article_published_time":"2018-08-16T16:31:41+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-04-30T19:36:48+00:00","og_image":[{"width":500,"height":334,"url":"https:\/\/secureservercdn.net\/198.71.233.179\/chp.ab7.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg?time=1637080959","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Deanna Koelzer","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Deanna Koelzer","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/","url":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/","name":"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On - Your Corporate Shrink","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg","datePublished":"2018-08-16T16:31:41+00:00","dateModified":"2019-04-30T19:36:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/64c753c8c13a55b600fea7585d34ca15"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/emp3_header.jpg","width":500,"height":334},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/defying-gravity-leadership-series-3-make-a-mistake-and-move-on\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Defying Gravity Leadership Series: #3 Make a Mistake and Move On"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/","name":"Your Corporate Shrink","description":"Leaders are made, not born.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/64c753c8c13a55b600fea7585d34ca15","name":"Deanna Koelzer","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c9d652bd3c5312583a93f9253f16e4ac?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c9d652bd3c5312583a93f9253f16e4ac?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Deanna Koelzer"},"url":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/author\/deanna\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2179"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2179"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2179\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2185"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2179"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2179"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourcorporateshrink.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2179"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}